What would you do? What should I do?
Oh, I am going to need your advice. Right now, I am at a point where I need some outside help with making a decision. I am especially interested in hearing from you because you are not emotionally invested in the decision itself. You will be able to see things more clearly, or ask me questions about something that I am not considering. I will be out of town for the next couple of days and my not have computer access. Please, please, please give me your input. I am starting to get stressed to an unhealthy level.
The situation:
I have lived in a very small town since late 2005 (appx 4500). In that time, I have managed to have three different jobs. The first one, was an hour and a half away (lasted 3 months), the second one was in town and then the company went bankrupt (lasted 10 months), the last one was also in town and I was fired for taking time off for cancer treatment (7 months). Three jobs in 8 years. The economy has adversely affected where I live to the point where the county that I live in has one of if not the highest unemployment rates in California. The closest “metropolitan” town (not really) is at least an hour and a half away. It makes for a very long day on a very treacherous road.
Since my divorce was “mostly” final in August of last year, and I am now a year plus into my cancer being in remission, I have options open to me that I didn’t before.
There is no real reason for me to stay where I am. I do love my little place (and my landlords-very much) and feel good here, but I have basically no friends, no family, no job and an iffy “love” interest. Yes, I finally got to act in a play, but that is not enough of a reason to hang around – the chance that I might get another part.
Getting back into my field (legal) in this little, good ole’ boy town is not going to happen. There have been no decent jobs listed in the want ads for a very long, long time. It has gotten to a point where I have lost hope that I will be able to get employed where I live. The longer I stay unemployed, the less desirable I look to an employer.
And last but not least, my rent will be going up next month. Which means while I was already mostly upside down, I will be really, really upside down.
The problem:
My mom has been “encouraging” me to move closer to her.
Here is the problem with moving: No job, + 1st, last and deposit, +big dog does not necessarily = someone willing to rent to a high risk renter.
Finally, after this point becoming very clear to my mom, she has offered to help me. I still resist the thought of moving, it hasn’t even been a year and I got really ripped off from the moving company (plus I think they stole some of my property)! The thought of moving again sends me into a tail spin.
Now there is another piece to this problem. My mother tells me of a place that is for rent (even more snow -ugh). The rent is not bad, but even more than that is my proximity to family and a MAJOR METROPOLITAN city – woo hoo! A much better chance at finding a job!
The other really good thing about moving – I will no longer be in a town where I will run into my ex, his family or his friends (and the dating pool will be a lot bigger-hah!).
But wait, there’s more! Today my mother plays a message for me from the potential landlord, she is reducing her original rental amount (almost half of what I pay now) to help me get on my feet (WOW) and doesn’t mind the dog.
Tuesday I will go see the place, I am told it is small, but I can’t imagine it will be any smaller than where I am living now. I won’t have a garage, but I don’t have one now. I understand it is two stories, and the heat is a wood burning stove. It is another 1200+ feet in elevation – yuck.
Unemployment compensation is only going to last so long which means I won’t be able to afford where I live now and my chance of finding a different place becomes slim to none. Moving my be inevitable.
What should I do?
Wow, KK, you have a LOT going on in your life. I am so glad you are in remission, and that you have a mom who would welcome you in the same vicinity. It sounds like that wouldn’t be a problem for you, either. I would always opt for good family (there are also the kind you can get far enough away from) over a small town with people you don’t want to run into, and with many more jobs in the job pool and fish in the sea. No one can make that decision for you, but whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very very best.
Hi Naomi
Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to stop and write to me.
As I got more into what I was writing, the question of – what is the problem came to me. Before today, before I heard about the lower rent, it would have been the fact that rent for both places is about the same. There was incentive to move, but not enough to go. Now, it seems stupid not to. Provided that I can get the majority of my “stuff” into the place!
I know when I get stressed, I miss points, I focus on some things that aren’t important and I get scared. Writing this down and having other people talk to me about how they feel about the situation will help pull me out of the emotional aspect of it.
Thank you again.
KK
It seemed to me, reading your post before your comment above, that you had already made the decision, you just needed some confirmation. I think you should definitely move. New life, new start. Why not? You have basically said yourself, where you live has no possibilities and a lot of heartache, moving opens up so much potential.
Hi Piper
Yes, when I re-read it, I get the same impression.
You are probably right – a great big shove in the rear-end. I’m not scared of moving, I’ve certainly done enough of it in my life, but I am still tired – weary is not even the right word – just so very tired of all of it, divorce, cancer, moving, fighting – but I guess I’m not done yet.
Aside from living in the same house growing up, this will be the closest I have been to my Mom – yikes! She will be within walking distance! Oh well, give and take right
Thank you Piper for talking to me. I’m anxious about Tuesday (when I see the place) but a little excited about it too. I’ll take pictures and you can tell me what you think!
Time for me to go to sleep, it is a 3 1/2 hour drive to where I need to go. Tomorrow will be a long day.
Take care!
KK
I am 2.5 hours away from my mum. It used to be a good thing, but now I’m settled down with kids I am trying to move her closer. Could do with the help, and she wants the company. Besides, once you have moved she can spoil you a little and remove that fatigue
Yes pictures please. I love looking at people’s homes
You got it! I can do some of where I live now and then pics of the “to be” place.
If it were me, I would move. Well actually I did, I left an abusive relationship and close to a year later (after going through a family violence court case) I moved. Sometimes a fresh start is the ticket. On the plus side I got a job with a much better salary and no longer had the risk of running into my ex (this happened too frequently as he was also a stalker). The negative for me was that I moved away from the town and province where I had lived all my life and I had really loved the place. It has taken me 10 years to make new real friendships. Now I would dearly love to move back to my roots. I could not afford a mostuving company, sold off a lot of stuff and did two 1000km round trips taking my possessions. My Dad also brought one load up for me.
Hello
How wonderful to see you – it’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to chat and I have not forgotten our other conversations.
Yes, it is time to go. My mother is very involved in the community and I have been on the prayer chain for quite a while now. A lot of people know of me, they just haven’t met me. So, I would actually be moving someplace where I kind of sort of know people.
When I moved where I am now, I didn’t know anyone and my ex made sure that the only people I did know where the ones he approved of (his people). When I made a friend outside of the group – omg it was ugly.
I have to admit, sometimes I plan on when I go into town based on his habits and patterns. I have run into him recently, but I don’t know if he knew it was me.
I am tired of being afraid, and tired of being lonely. I don’t mind being alone, I do sometimes wish I weren’t lonely. That’s why I love this blog so much. I get to talk to people!
I won’t be hiring a moving company this time. Among other things they left enough stuff to fill a 14ft truck, which I had to pack, drive and unpack on my own, not even two weeks after I had finished radiation. So, if I can do that – well then I guess I can move most of it on my own too. (hope I don’t have to move the washer, dryer and refrig on my own –
)
Thank you for your support and taking the time to write to me. I am hoping the place is not smaller than what I have to deal with now. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Dear KK, ……
I wish you were in your mother’s town as soon as possible!
We talked about it,remember?
I join the bloggers above in wishing you: good moving!
Yes, I remember. It was talking to you that made me think this would be something I could reach out to the community about. Today I could not sleep. So, this will give me more time to get ready to leave and more time to be anxious! Thank you for your good luck wishes!
Be sure of it!
The toughest choices are usually the ones we are suposed to make. With nothing holding you there, no job, no good prospects and a chance to get settled someplace else paying less in rent… I’d say go for it. This could be the opportunity you need.
You are right. Putting it in plain black and white and not getting caught up in the “what ifs” and the “buts” and all the emotional baggage that comes with them is what I have a hard time doing sometimes. Today I found out there is no washer & dryer or even a hook up – yikes. Ok, this would be the first hurdle to cross and it is doable, albeit inconvenient.
No gender discrimination intended (
), but you are the first man to comment on this and it makes me glad and more resolved to know that you are in tune with everyone else.
Thank you for taking the time to say something, I really appreciate it!
The no washer/dryer hook-up is a set back, but shouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker. I leaved for 3 years in an apartment where I had to take my clothes someplace else and pay the machine to get my clothes clean. Like you said: it is doable.
Hadn’t even paid attention to the gender of the other responders.
Wouldn’t have swayed my response if I had though. I had a friend while was in college who was stuck in a bad situation – I tried to convince him several times to just come spend some time on my couch until he could get his feet under him and make his own way but he never took me up on that offer. I’m not sure if he ever regretted that decision, but I wonder how different his life would be now if he had at least tried. At some point we need to break free from the shadows of our pasts to clearly see the paths we are on.
WOW and if my mother were reading this – picture her doing the fist pump thing!
Haha Okay, well, in my friend’s case I was trying to get him away from his mother… but, sometimes time and necessity make priorities shift; and having family around really isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Too true. Even though there were many, many moments over the last couple of days with my mom that I thought I would go out of my mind!
We’ll all be waiting to hear how your move goes! Happy trails to you!
Thank you!
I am not in your situation, so hesitate to give advice. Sounds as though you’ve already made your mind up though. Taking the plunge will be difficult, but you’ve people prepared to support you, which is always a good thing.
I speak from experience of diving into the deep end, having 6 months ago left my jobs (OK, 90 hour weeks not great, but mostly enjoyable), my house (went with the job) and my homeland (moved up to Scotland from Wales)… I may be considered a little mad! I thought this was what God wanted me to do, and things kind of fell into place. There are times when I look back on my nice secure, cosy life in North Wales and think I am mad. I’m temporarily with my parents (after 20 years a bit of a shock to the system) while I look for somewhere to rent. I got rid of a lot of junk and stuck most of the rest in store. Sometimes my parents drive me up the wall, sometimes I drive them up the wall. Most of the time we cope with each other. I miss the language and culture of ‘home’. But… despite all that, this was the right move for this time. I would rather live with, ‘Oh well, at least I tried’ to look back on than ‘what if I had..’ to look back on.
Don’t know if that’s at all helpful but I will pray for you in your situation
Wow, thank you so very much for sharing. I too am a firm believer of not wanting to do the “what if”. My mother feels very strongly that this is God’s plan and I can’t say that I disagree. I’m not ready to make my decision, but I am very close.
Wow. I don’t even know you and I was LEANING forward while reading this as in..go..go GO to your mama! Leave that stupid town!
Best of luck in your health and move.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am almost ready to make my decision. But in the meantime, I will be posting photos of the place I visited. I’ll reply to your comment again with the link!
KK! I am so excited for you!! Take it, take it, take it! I understand it is a huge risk, but as you said, you have little to lose from where you are now. It might be uncomfortable, and your dear dog is an issue, but I believe in you! I believe you’re going onto amazing things! Just reading a bit about you, you’ve survived difficult transitions, disease, doubt, and as the saying goes: ‘When you’re going through hell, keep going!’
That’s my 2 cents, and I might be headed back out west in pursuit of my dreams if I can’t make a liveable wage around here. Cheers, chica & I’m wishing, hoping and praying for your dreams to materialize in your life, and to have a life you’ll really enjoy living! ♥
You just brought me to tears! Thank you for your support. You must promise me this – if you come back to the West, WE MUST MEET! PINKY SWEAR?!!
PINKY SWEAR!