Confession of a West-Coaster Re: 9/11 (My 300th Post)
I have made each milestone post a little different (100th, 200th). Still, the last thing I thought my 300th post would be about is 9/11.
All these years, I’ve tried to understand. All this time I’ve tried to empathize, but I can’t, because I don’t understand. I want to. I’ve watched many movies about 9/11, but it never gets any clearer. I watched it on the news that day, as it was happening and didn’t get it then.
I am not a morning person, this particular morning was no exception. I woke up to the sound of my name being urgently yelled out from the living room. I came in, groggy, not awake, looked at the television set and the yeller looked up at me and said “…The world is turning upside down” softly, with fear in his voice. I didn’t understand, I thought it was a joke, a spoof, something not real. I went back to bed. Later, I sat mesmerized, glued to the TV. Simply unable to take in or grasp what had happened and what was still happening.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve watched movies, documentaries, I’m sure I devoured the newspapers and magazines as they came out. But I never felt anything. It was like the time I got a phone call telling me my father had died. My father who lived two-three states away, that I hadn’t seen in years. One day he was there and the next day he wasn’t and I didn’t feel a thing.
I continued to try. Prior to 9/11 I dated a firefighter who had firefighter family in NY and I don’t think they made it. I tried to imagine how he must have felt, was still feeling, But, I couldn’t connect the dots, I still didn’t get it.
On the other hand my brother felt it so deeply that he visited ground zero more than once. He tried to explain it to me, I didn’t work.
September 11, 2001, was 11 years, 5 months, 16 days and 12 hours ago and tonight I get it in a way that those last 11 years could never explain. Tonight I watched Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and I saw the impact of 9/11 through the eyes of a child. For all who were affected by this heinous tragedy, I will never fully comprehend the magnitude of your loss. But tonight I finally got it and finally I could mourn.
I welcome and encourage dialogue on this. It doesn’t need to be about 9/11, it can be about any tragedy that has haunted you.
Congrats on your 300th post. I am a Jersey gal who knows quite a few people who passed in 9/11. It is still incomprehensible even to me all these years later. I am glad that you were able to get it and mourn after all this time. Hugs to you for your honesty.
Hi
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It means a lot to me. I am very sorry for your loss. I don’t think any of the cliched sayings work for times like this. But I do hope that some day, if you haven’t already, that you are able to find some peace.
Hugs
KK
You are an honest woman, KK. I know people who said in the aftermath they could not watch the follow up anymore. For me, I had to bear witness even if I was on the West Coast, or especially because I was on the West Coast. God rest their souls. There was an outpouring in expression that followed and it was gathered together under the 9/11 umbrella in pictures, poems, art – astoundingly straight to the soul beauty. In fact, there are now many, but this is the one I worked with – http://911digitalarchive.org/
Seems awkward to say congratulations on your 300th post, but in truth, I am glad you are here. Congratulations. A notable achievement. HuntMode
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KK you have been tagged…. http://utesmile.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1710&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2
Honored! What fun – woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought it was a joke too… I actually laughed, something I regret any time the subject is brought up. We jumped in our car to drive to work early, before school, we were still in college. We always had some local comedian disc jockeys from San Diego as our wake up call on the long drive up to work… It had to be a joke, right? Something like that couldn’t have been real. Only it was…